The children and the bags were expeditiously unloaded from the vehicle to house. Prior to her arrival, Devin had commented to brother Pat about the commodious estate at which she would be staying, perplexed that only three people would live, "in such a mansion." Ha ha ha, little niece, so comely and curious, bursting with childhood innocence. If she only knew the tale behind the purchase of this "mansion," but, for the sake of brevity, or at least to avoid long-winded blowhardness, we will omit that story from these particular chapters. Bode, being the good host, toured Devin throughout the home, pointing out the various bathrooms (four of them--perhaps it is a mansion), the televisions, the Wii, the Wii-U, and the Xbox, all vital appurtenances for any home which will be housing two people under the age of eight for the better part of three days.
Due to the lateness of the hour, Ashley and I encouraged the children to change to their sleeping attire. We had hoped the hour, combined with the soporific effects of the carriage-ride from Grammy's, would have resulted in the children wanting nothing more than to attend to their toilet, perhaps a glass of water, and then off to bed. Such sanguine, yet naive, hopes for the two adults, as the children quickly reenergized and started galloping around the house in a merry game of tag, gently needling each other with the playful badinage of youth, oblivious that it was past 9:30 in the pm, which, to a forty year-old, is akin to closing time at the pubs of days long gone. Ashley and I resulted to a time-proven remedy for restless children. "Children, children, gather around the master of the house," I said to two blurs of light whipping past me. "Children! Children!" I exclaimed again, putting more force and vigor into my voice, growing slightly irritated by their impudence. "Settle down now, settle down, or you'll be forced to sleep in the kennel with dogs." "Papaa," Bode moaned playfully. "Really Uncle? The kennel?" Devin asked in a meek voice, her eyes having gone as wide as an owls at the mention of the kennels. "Ah, dear niece, no, we would never put you in the kennel. Bode, perhaps, as the kennel is no place for one of the weaker sex," I said, keeping a straight face to lend verisimilitude to my statement. "Papaa!" Bode exclaimed again but laughing. "Alright, now that I have your attention. How would you all like to watch a movie?" The two squealed with delight and quickly situated their pillows and blankets on the couch. Due to the success of the first chapter of this story, I have been able to commission an artist to create pictures to augment the telling of the tale, as some of the activities partaken can be accurately described as ineffable. Below is an excellent representation of the two children, perfectly ensconced on the sofa, watching Aladdin.
They watched for the better part of the hour, at which point, sugar levels, combined with the duration of the day and the enervating effects of lying prone on a sofa in a darkened room, resulted in both children commenting on their sleepiness. "Uncle, may I go to bed?" Devin asked. "Of course, dear niece, of course. Come, let us turn off the television and adjourn to our quarters." The children scampered up the stairs to Bode's room. "Where would you like to sleep?" I asked Devin, pointing to the bunk beds. "The bottom," she said without hesitation. "I don't want to sleep on the top." "Me neither," said Bode, upon which I was faced with a conundrum. Devin, the guest of the house, should have her choice of where to sleep. Yet it was Bode's room and his bed. Fortunately, Bode's abstemious sleeping habits saved the day. "Papaa, may I just sleep on the floor?" "Of course you can, of course," I said, thankful for the solution having presented itself without having had to do anything, which, I have found, is my favorite type of solution to any problem. I laid out Bode's favorite blue blanket, his pillow, ensured Devin was likewise situated, clicked the nightlight to the on position, and prepared to retire to my chambers. "Good night, Bode, and good night, Devin," I said to both, pulling their respective covers up to their chins. "Good night, Papaa," and "Good night, Uncle," they responded. I turned the light off, expecting to hear complaints or requests for a story or desires to play a video game. However, there was no such spirit of contumacy from these exhausted children, and I imagine that shortly after the darkening of the lamp, the two fell asleep. I retired to my quarters, where Ashley was busy attending her toilet and preparing for bed. "Dear wife," I said, "it warms my heart and spirit to have Devin in the home. She is such a blithe young lady, such a cheerful person. I'm so glad brother Pat and dear sister-in-law Dana approved the visit. We must be sure to convey our warmest of thanks and find a way to provide some type of remuneration for this wonderful weekend, don't you think?" Ashley looked as if I were an idiot. "Why have you been talking like this all night?" she asked. I simply shook my head, and went to sleep.
Saturday, Ashley and I were awakened by two rambunctious dogs, who, up until this point, have only been referred to in an indirect manner. Harley and Joey were up with the first light from the sun, pacing around our beds like nervous expectant fathers in a hospital waiting room. I dressed quickly in a pair of brown jogging pants, a blue t-shirt, found my shoes, and proceeded to the hallway where the dogs' leashes were stored. As I looped Joey's collar around his neck, I looked up. To my surprise, Devin stood at the midpoint of the stairs, a bashful smile on her face. Harley ran over to greet her, his tongue doing the bulk of the greeting as she licked her hands and the side of her face. Devin, a love of dogs having been inculcated in her character due to having a pet of her own in Albuquerque, reciprocated the shown affection by scratching Harley's ears and face. Joey, jealous of any type of affection shown to another dog, whined until Devin provided a similar scratching to his ears. "Are you up already?" I asked, incredulous. She nodded, and then, "Uncle, I'm hungry." Yet another conundrum, as I had two leashed dogs whose sole focus was now on the door, awaiting for their morning constitutional and a hungry house guest. Again, patience paid off, as Ashley emerged from the bedroom, nodding at me as if to say, "I shall attend to the child." I nodded back, hastened the dogs out the door, and commenced with the exercise.
When I returned, both Bode and Devin were awake and on the couch, watching some cartoon, the name which escapes me. Ashley, in her role as the chief domestic, was firmly established in front of the grill, attired in her cooking smock with a smudge of what I guessed to be pancake mix above her right eye. Immediately the dogs became frenzied, their noses sniffing the wonderful aromas with great intensity. Both parked themselves at Ashley's feet the moment I unleashed them. "Jolly good day outside," I said as I hung my jacket in the parlor's closet. "Hot sun, cloudless sky, jolly good day." I turned my attention to the children. "Following the breaking of our fasts," I began, expecting their attention to turn to me and away from the cartoon characters, for when the master of the house speaks, all should listen, "I believe we should travel to the Villasport Fitness Club and Spa and commence with some aquatic-type activities." Silence from the two, and then, "Papaa, you are blocking the television." "Yes, Uncle, please move out the way," chimed in Devin. I resorted to more drastic measures. I paused the picture, which immediately drew forth a cacophonous chorus of cries from the kids. "Swimming," I quickly said, and their eyes lit up. The cartoon was forgotten. "When? When?" they asked. "Following breakfast," I replied, upon which the chief domestic stated, "Pancakes are ready." The kids whirled past me, found their places at the table, their glasses of juice, the syrup, their forks and napkins, and commenced with the meal. The promise of swimming made fast eaters of the lot and hastened their morning preparations because before I knew it, all were ready to depart. "Papaa, what about the dogs? We must give them a treat of bacon and take them to the kennel?" "Quite right, son, quite right," I answered to Bode. I got two slices of dog-bacon from the pantry, gave one each to Bode and Devin, and we used the bait to lure the dogs to their place of residence when we are gone. Once complete, the kids found their places in the car, and we were off. "I can't wait to swim," Devin said. "Uncle, is it a long ride?" "Certainly not, dear chid. We shall arrive before you know it." The ride went quickly, and before none were the wiser, we were entering the club. "Now children," I said, "we aren't yet going to swim, as the pool does not open for another hour. However, we will have you play in the club's children's area while mother and I partake in a yoga class." "Ahhh," came the replies in unison, heart-broken at having to wait an entire hour before the water activities. "You'll have a wonderful time at Villakids," I explained. Even Bode could not disagree with this statement, as he spent the majority of his summer days at the Villakids camp. We started to sign Bode into the club and I spoke to the young clerk in charge of the desk. "Ah, young man, a bit of palaver if you please." He looked at me quizzically, but said nothing. "My niece, this lovely young child, is visiting us for the weekend, and we would like her to attend the children's area with young master Bode, if it's not too much trouble for you." "Is she on your membership?" the young man asked. "No, young man, but, as a gentleman, I assure you, she's a child of no repute, impeccably behaved. Now, surely you can let her in," I said more than asked. "That's our policy," came his reply. I stood, stunned at this insult. "Young man, I'll try to overlook your impudence in this manner and not report you to the manager. Now, kindly sign her in." He looked at me, confused but unyielding. I realized, perhaps, a request accompanied by a pecuniary benefit to the young man should do the trick. I removed a full shilling from my pocket and repeated my question. "Sorry, she can't come in." I was outraged. I demanded to see a manager, to see someone in charge, to see the owner of the establishment. "Come on Jeff, let's go," Ashley said, nudging me to the door. "I will not be insulted like this!" I shouted at the young man. "I demand and will receive satisfaction! Pistols at dawn young man! Now, give me the name of your second!" but before he could reply, Ashley ushered me outside. "The nerve of the young man, talking to me, a gentleman of highest caliber, in such a fashion." "What's wrong with you?" Ashley asked. "And why are you talking like that?" "Do you ever stay in character?" I responded.
We returned to the car. Bode and Devin were confused. "Uncle, can we not swim?" Devin asked diffidently, a small tear starting to form in her eye. "Oh dear niece, no, no, certainly not. We shall swim--I promise you, we shall swim." I pulled out my pocket watch (cell phone) and looked at the time. "Nine o'clock. The pool opens at 10. What can we do for an hour?" I looked at Ashley, who looked at Devin, who looked at Bode. "Papaa, can we go mini-golfing?" he asked, pointing over my shoulder. As I mentioned earlier, Bode spent his summer at the Villasports summer camp. One day, they went miniature golfing, the facility being a short walk from the club. "Of course!" I ejaculated. "Golfing it shall be. We shall golf, and then we shall swim. A fine morning indeed!" The course was open, despite the earliness of the hour. Bode and Devin played their game, one which the number of strokes was not the most important factor in the outcome of the game. Rather, the simple accomplishment of getting the colored ball in the hole, no matter the number hits, elicited such delight. Unfortunately, I failed to charge the illustrator with reproducing scenes from this particular adventure, and you are stuck with my less than adequate descriptions. On one occasion, Devin had a hole-in-one. This particular achievement was greatly received by the two adults, but was not deemed worthy of any particular amount of praise by the younger of our party, such is the mind and habit of the youth. Ashley and I competed in a healthy contest, but much like the children, the number of strokes taken by each party is immaterial; rather, the good fun and company we shared is all that matters. "Oh come now, dear husband. You cannot omit the final tally of our game. You promised to write a complete, unabridged account of all things, yet now, you feel the need to shorten the narration? That seems a trifle self serving, yes?" "Oh, now you choose to stay in character? Fine. Ashley won the game. Now, may we continue with the tale?" "Of course, dear husband, do continue."
Following the hearty game of miniature golf, we returned to the Club, the hour being past ten in the AM, the pool was open, the life guards at their stations, and the sun, as previously mentioned, shining brightly. A fine day it was. We found the dressing rooms, this club being one of the more progressive establishments having a coed family area with private changing areas. Our suits were put on, I passed out the swim goggles to all parties minus Ashley, who doesn't wear them, and we swam. Oh, how we swam. Both children, being more than 48 inches tall, although Bode reached beyond that mark with a slight inclination of his arches when measured, were granted access to the water slides. How joyful, how splendid, how wondrous, how...tiring. Stairs, one time, are fine. Stairs, quite a number of them, took the participants up to the slide, and being a good uncle and father, I accompanied the children on all their adventures. This accompaniment occurred more than a dozen times and started to take a toll on my legs. Weary with fatigue, I found Ashley on a chair, soaking in the sun whilst wearing a bikini. "A bit immodest, don't you think? Perhaps something a bit less showy, yes?" A glare and silence. Someone was again not partaking in the Dickensian adventure.
The children did the water slide countless times, swam in both the indoor and outdoor facility, and finally wanted to sit in the hot-tub, which we all did. Once again, I erred in the charges to the illustrator and am without pictures of our time at the club. Fortunately, images are burned forever in my mind. The children laughing and playing and splashing, Ashley yelling whenever splashed, for even though it was a splendid day, it wasn't quite hot enough for her to enjoy full submersion in the pools. We did all sit in the hot tub, the children tired from their exertions, Ashley, neck-deep in the only body of water in which she entered above her knees, and I, the grateful patriarch of our little group, content and filled with a joy I cannot describe. Seeing children happy is the most satisfying of endeavors. I looked at Ashley, who looked at me, but instead of smiling, pointed at her stomach. "Again with feeding?" I asked. Bode chimed in. "I'm hungry." "Me too, Uncle." "But where shall we go?" I asked. Bode and Ashley responded, in unison. "The Waffle House!" "The Waffle House it is!" I exclaimed. "What's the Waffle House?" Devin asked. The three of us turned and looked at our blood relation, perplexed. We sat immobile in stunned silence. Finally, I recovered my faculties. "Your parents have been remiss in your upbringing, dear niece. For today will be your first time feasting in the greatest eatery known to man!"
No comments:
Post a Comment