Marching On

Another month has come and gone, meaning Bode is another month older. It seems like we have had him forever, when in reality it's only been three months. The memories of a childless household are fading fast, but if I strain really hard, I can sort of remember what it was like without Bode. Were we once really able to leave the house for more than three hours at a time? Was there once a time when I didn't have to worry about being spit-up upon and smelling like sour milk?

I was down in Houston this past week for a training class. Much warmer in Houston than in Dayton. I think the highs were in the 70's all week. Ashley said it was 70 in Dayton while I was gone, but I think she was referring to the bathroom after a nice hot shower. This was my first time away from the kid. I missed him terribly (Ashley too). I felt bad leaving Ashley to fend for herself, but she survived, Bode survived, and I was only gone for three days. Actually, and I feel a little guilty for saying this, but the trip was restful in that my only responsibility was my job and myself; no one to feed, no one to change, no one to bathe. If I wanted to go to sleep at 8 pm, I could (and did!) Of course, I also had no one to talk to or play with, and since I didn't feel like spending my evenings at Centerfolds (a "gentlemen's" club across the street from my hotel), I spent the majority of my time in my hotel room working (code for channel surfing in case my adviser reads this). I did get to see some of Ashley's family (Patty, Dwight, Penny, Milton, and three of their four kids) which was great--they provided a wonderful meal and I enjoyed my evening with them.

An interesting series of thoughts occurred on my way home. I saw that United airlines is going to start charging $25 if a person checks more than one bag (evidently Southwest and Continental do something similar). The reason for this is the rising cost of fuel. More bags mean more weight and more weight means more fuel expended. Thus, the heavier the plane, the smaller the profit. At first glance, this might seem like it makes sense, but consider this: Most bags weigh from 10 - 40 pounds. Thus, the extra weight associated with the extra bag will be at most 40 pounds. Also consider a plane ticket for Ashley (120 pounds) is the same as a plane ticket for Charles Barkley (300+ pounds). In essence, Charles is bringing the equivalent of nine more bags, yet the airlines don't deem it necessary to charge him more. Is that fair, in their light of their statement about more weight equating to higher costs? Heavens no. In fact, it wreaks of the same stench as our tax system, which somehow has made it fair to tax those hardworking families that make more money at a higher rate than those with much smaller incomes (yes, it's tax season, and I don't even want to begin to discuss the unfairness of our current system).

Back to my point about the airlines: I think each passenger should be given a maximum allowable weight. When you put your bags on the scale, you get on it as well (include your carry-on bags). If you and your baggage are above a threshold, you pay a fuel surcharge. If you're below, you're airfare is unchanged. This would 1) help the airlines keep their profit margin and 2) urge many Americans to lose some much needed weight. I'd like to see the threshold at 220 pounds per passenger (with extra weight allowed for tall people), but that's probably too low considering the average American male is 5'9" and weighs 240 pounds while the average female is 5'5" and weighs 160 pounds. These averages seem a bit high to me, but when I was walking through the airport, I saw more overweight people than not. Which brings me to another flash of insight I had while riding on the plane home, pressed up against the window due to the enormous girth of the man seated next to me. If airlines have size limitations for carry-on baggage (you've all seen the "if you're bag can't fit in here, you need to check it" displays), why can't they have size limitations on people? Your ass and shoulders must be less than a certain width; if not, you buy another seat. There's no reason why the smaller people should suffer due to someone else's inability to push themselves away from the buffet table. If airlines won't make fat people buy an extra seat, they should at least seat fat people next to each other. Take three 300-pound guys and put them in seats 15D, 15E, and 15F? Let them fight over who gets the armrest. Of course, the airlines will do neither of these things because of the obvious sensitivities. I do think they should consider adjusting the widths of their seats, which were determined back in the 1960's when the vast majority of peoples' asses could pass the pinky-to-pinky test (**explained below for those that don't know). It's now 2008 and we, as a country, have greatly expanded, necessitating the need for larger seats. But larger seats eat into the overall profit margin, so the odds of the airlines listening to my proposal are about the same as the Democratic Party proposing a flat tax (bring back Steve Forbes!).

It's surprisingly warm today--probably above 50, and I was outside raking the front yard and planning to put down some fertilizer. That was cut short when Ashley needed to run an errand to Home Depot (or Lowe's; not sure which). Bode is behaving quite nicely. He's on the floor next to me enthralled by the bright light coming in from the window. I had to explain to him the yellow object in the sky is the sun, which hasn't been seen in Dayton since November. He's making lots of noises, some ooo's and woo's. Other noises are also happening, and I can only hope Ashley gets hope soon to deal with them.

Now for some pictures. First, Bode was thrilled when I came home, as the below pictures can attest:









Nothing says welcome home like a screaming baby. Fortunately, he cheered up after awhile and we snapped a couple more shots. Note in the picture below, he's not able to sit up on his own. It's a careful balancing act to get him to sit up, smile, take a picture, and then grab him before he falls into the side rail.Tonight is bath night (for Bode, not me; that was last week). We might take some pictures, as the little guy looks so cute in his robe. I'll try to post but may not have time. I don't want to wait to post this because I wouldn't want to deprive the world of my writings for another day (I'm sure many would go insane). Pleasant day to you all.

** The pinky-to-pinky test: Place the tips of your thumbs together palms facing down. Curl the three fingers on each hand and extend your pinkies outward as far as possible. The width from the tip of each pinky is how wide a normal sized ass should be.

The picture below was added after the original posting. Check out Bode in his cool dog robe. He's just had a bath and is happy as can be. That will last for...a couple minutes because we are dangerously close to feeding time, and when he's hungry, the neighbors know it.